"Little Things..."

This week has been a tough week for many reasons. I still struggle on a daily basis to connect with and understand my son. Sometimes I get to the point where I don't know if I can keep going and then God steps in to offer me little glimmers of hope.

For those of you who know me, you know that I am an eccentric, overly sensitive, sometimes irrational person who usually hasn't gone about life in the "normal" way. My Heavenly Father knows that about me. He created me that way. He also knows exactly how to correct me, encourage me, and speak to me in ways that only I would understand.

Now this story will probably sound a bit silly to you, but to me it is my "glimmer of hope" for the week and I wanted to share it.

After almost two years, my son very rarely will speak to me, look at me, or touch me. When I enter a room, he walks out of it. When I buy him presents, he destroys them. I am usually heart broken by the walls I can see that have been constructed around his little heart. I long to connect with him as a mom connects with her son. I want to feel his little boy hugs and kisses. I want him to allow me to comfort him when he gets hurt...but yet, he is not to that point yet. I get angry somedays, and oh so sad. And just when I think I can't keep going.....(here's the glimmer of hope part)....we were at Walmart today. I was in a hurry and needing to grab a bottle of my hairspray. It's a specific kind I use, and often it is out of stock. As I was looking through the bottles, I felt a little hand in mine.

"Here Mommy....here is your hairspray...."

Caleb handed me a bottle of the hairspray that I had been frantically looking for. Does he allow me to be his mom yet? No. BUT, he does notice what kind of hairspray his mommy uses and eagerly looked for it and found it for me without me asking.

This was God's way of saying...."hold on Comfort...this bottle of hairspray is just the beginning..."